Mystery, and an element of surprise have, sadly, become a lost art. Romance has been replaced with swiping left or right and showing the goods before you even meet in person.
We live in a society that wants instant gratification and having an "instant relationship" has become no exception! No need to prepare for a date. The idea isn't to get to know each other on a deeper level, right away, if at all.
And many women have bought into this concept, some hoping they can change a guy's mind once they hook up while others simply want attention, if only for a little while, and at the expense of knowing that they are not the only one he's seeing.
What happened to the concept of feeling special? To being desired and wanted by one man? And, he, being content with one woman? For those of us who choose not to fall into this type of empty relationship, we can be left feeling challenged, as we simply decline to send naked pictures of ourselves in favor of respecting ourselves more.
The stage you set in the beginning, will determine the tone of your relationship in the future, if there is a future. If you start out by diminishing your values and morals in favor of trying to appear more "modern" or agreeing that "anything goes", he will always expect you to be that person.
Should things progress into a more serious relationship and you suddenly start demanding he be more of this or more of that...he's going to push back and remind you that in the beginning...you were totally fine with all that and NOW you want to have a traditional relationship?
With the onset of "instant relationships equals instant gratification"...let's jump into bed now and decide later if we have feelings for each other, doesn't leave much in the way of planning a seduction or introducing romance.
Scroll through Prime Video, Hulu, Tubi, Netflix, etc. and you won't find many romance movies that promote a loving, monogamous relationship in our current culture.
The sexy and hot Netflix movie,365, comes close but has a sad ending! But my oh my, those hot love scenes on the boat! Now that's seduction! Fifty Shades of Grey is another close option, with an actual happy ending, common girl gets rich billionaire boyfriend who gives her expensive gifts (like a new car) and marries her at the end of the series.
The Twilight series is another twisted romance that ends in marriage and Bella becoming a vampire. Who can forget Edward's brand of affection and seductive words, "your scent is like a drug to me, you're like my own personal brand of heroin."
I was fascinated by the storyline but (yikes) this movie was geared toward teenagers and watching this with my two young god-daughter's at the time was a bit unsettling. I prayed they didn't know what heroin was at that age!
Then there's a movie from the past, Pride & Prejudice with Kiera Knightley. In the end, her character, gets her Prince and throughout the movie their onscreen moments are riddled with unspoken, unbridled passion for each other and love disguised as loathing.
I grew up reading lots of romance novels. Naturally, this is not reality. We don't get to drive off into the sunset with Prince Charming today. But I'm certainly not going to kiss a few frogs out of desperation either.
I remember back to my last boyfriend. Someone I had known for well over 10 years, he really wasn't relationship material, from what I could recall, but when he called me out of the blue after a few years had passed, I thought maybe he had grown up and matured.
He still looked like a young Jean Claude Van Damme and naturally, we still had an attraction toward each other. I remember spending weekends together and he loved for me to sleep with my head on his chest. I loved those times, because they were the most vulnerable and the most intimate.
Some weekends we would spend the entire day in bed just watching movies, eating, laughing, fooling around and me, laying my head on his chest listening to him breathe, and then us both falling asleep.
I don't re -tell this fondly, but to make a point. One day, after we had taken a long nap and I'd been sleeping on his chest, he came from the bathroom and said, "you know, this isn't reality."
And I looked at him puzzled and said, "what isn't reality?" He then said, "you sleeping with your head on my chest, us cuddling." I just looked at him skeptically and asked him if he really believed that?
How is laying my head on your chest not REAL? It didn't even sound like something he would say. He wasn't THAT philosophical. I reminded him, that reality is what we choose to make it.
And that leads me to the sad truth, the lost art of seduction and romance. As women, the way we dress and carry ourselves can say a lot about how we feel about ourselves.
Romance may be dead for many, but it doesn't have to die out with all of us! I sell more lingerie on my website than any other collection! And the majority is purchased by our Plus Size Curvaceous babes!
These women are not afraid to flaunt their 1X, 2X, 4X and 5X frames in something fitting and sexy. The men who love them, love them just the way they are, flaws, lumps, bumps, dimples, rolls and all.
I've always said real men love real women with curves but all women should feel loved and desired and should respect themselves even more. Let a man work to get you. Don't just give it all up right away. He will quickly loose interest and move on. Unless, you've agreed to be his booty call or friend with benefits.
But then, don't expect a future with someone like that because your future will be wasted, if you're the type of woman who desires and sees yourself in a loving and committed relationship one day.
You have to set the stage for that now! You don't have to settle for just anybody just so you can say you have some body. You will never be happy long term with this type of arrangement either.
And, if you don't make an effort in your relationships then they fizzle and die a slow, boring death. My standards are pretty high. To me, a guy who likes to have sex with the lights on and the TV blaring in the background, is a turn off.
Light some candles and have some love making music playing softly in the background. Also, like my ex-boyfriend, some men don't know how to make love, only have sex because they have settled, over the years, into the friends with benefits where it's all about getting it on quickly without any effort.
Not to say the sex wasn't amazing, because it was, but when you think you're in a monogamous or are in a monogamous relationship, French kissing, slow kissing, making eye contact in bed, having your neck sucked on and kissed, or whatever "erogenous zones" drive you wild .... telling each other how much you love him/her..will make for a much more powerful and intense relationship.
Even leading up to that evening...sexy text messages with subtle innuendos will go a long way in setting the mood and the stage for later that evening. Sending compliments to each other throughout the day.
Setting the mood in your home, your bedroom, candles everywhere and of course, drawers full of sexy lingerie, even wigs! Yes, you can be whomever you choose to be that evening, it can certainly help keep the spark alive and doesn't make him feel like he's coming home to the same old, same old every day after work.
I remember, as a Relationship Coach, a guy told me his girl would make dinner for them then come to bed smelling like cooked food! Her hair, her skin, her clothes, even her breathe. It was a turn off to him. I told him he should gently tell her this so that it wouldn't ruin their relationship.
She might get offended initially or whatever, but don't lay there next to each other and she's wondering why he's not touching her and he's fuming because she's coming to bed smelling like baked chicken!
It's one thing if you're coming to bed and you're the dessert. But if you're also the main course, please by all means, make sure every part of you smells (and tastes) yummy!
Even if your man is lazy and swears up and down he prefers his woman in some old t-shirt with no make up on he's lying if he says that turns him on every night! After a while he will start seeing you like he sees the furniture in the house and before you know it, he's talking extra long showers and spending his evenings shutting you out while he plays on his phone! (Probably looking at photos of sexy women)!
So make an effort, even if for yourself. After a while, he will catch on and love what he sees when he gets home and can't wait to tear that little teddy off of you. Make your relationship the reality that you want it to be.
If you want romance and fantasy and he's open to all that, then that's YOUR reality for each other. Nothing wrong with that! Real life is hard enough and if you can add romance and seduction in the picture, it will offset those long, hard days that can bring you down and have you depressed.
It doesn't have to match a romance novel. And you don't have to look like a Hollywood starlette every night of the week. Some nights you just want to put on the comfy robe and slippers and that's ok too but an element of surprise should always be welcome to keep that relationship alive and seductive!